For some years, I had been trying to figure out how to get people to treat me a certain way. You know the saying “treat people how you want to be treated”. Well I’ve been doing that for so long and in most cases its not reciprocated therefore, I’ve been finding myself detaching from a lot of people.

You teach people how to treat you by setting clear boundaries, defining your expectations, expressing emotions empathetically, and exiting situations you find unacceptable.

There has been moments in my life where I was accomplishing a lot of great things but, felt devalued as if nothing I’ve accomplished really mattered to most.

While we’re not responsible for another person’s behavior, I learned there are certain actions you can take to teach others what is and is not acceptable when it comes to how they treat you. These behaviors can lead to more fulfilling and healthy relationships.

Recently, I found myself getting clear on how I wanted to be treated. I figured if I am nurturing, I will be nurtured because generosity brings you generous acts, and thoughtfulness will be rewarded, but unfortunately society and the people that’s in it have a different way of thinking. Teaching others about what you want do not always guarantee they’ll follow suit. So, it may also be important to learn how to let go of things you cannot control.

Teaching people how to treat you is a process that involves introducing them to “what is acceptable and unacceptable. Ideally, it is knowing what we need and want, and being able to communicate it effectively to others.

Start With Yourself To teach people how to treat you, it does not begin with them, you begin with yourself. It is important for you to be clear on what you need and want from others, so you can be consistent with your requests. Self-respect and self-awareness helps you recognize how you deserve to be treated by other people.

Are you mindfully aware of you core values and your code of ethics?

Treat yourself well. Your physical appearance, hygiene, dress and grooming, and how you speak about yourself sends messages to others about how you expect to be treated. The habits you form, how you treat your body, and even how you speak to yourself are all vital for your mental health. Ultimately, how you treat yourself can often influence how others feel they can treat you.

Start by Knowing What You Want (and What You Don’t Want) Pick an area of your life where you feel like you’re not being treated well. This a great writing exercise. Write what you want and how you want to be treated.

Are you sending the right message to others?

This is an area I’m still working on. We cant assume people know our needs. I use to bottle up my feelings and when it was time to let them out, I exploded. No matter how long you’ve known someone or the role they play in your life, it’s a must to communicate your needs and feelings. Instead of waiting for a blow up to talk about something emotional, initiate a conversation, during calm and quiet times, to talk about your needs specifically and clearly. Communication helps build stronger relationships and make less room for misinterpretations. Be considerate of that persons feelings and needs while modeling the behavior you desire.

Surround yourself with people who speak your “love language”. This is important. I have members of my family and had some friends who just do not get me. I am a gift giver, which makes me an expressive person. In return, it would be amazing to have those things being poured back into me. In order for me to feel secure knowing that someone thinks of me and pay attention to small details allows me to thrive in some areas.

How important is your faith in how you treat others?

As a young Christian woman, it matter to me how I treat people. I want to love, live and lead like Christ. Am I perfect? Nope .. I have a potty mouth that I’m working on however, I am a loving, caring individual that loves to give, values honesty and integrity. Therefore it matters to me how I treat people and how they treat me.

Sis, listen to me… it is ok to move accordingly. I’ve done it so many times with family and friends. You can often communicate, set boundaries, treat yourself well, and people still will treat you poorly. No, we can’t control other people but, I’ve learned you can control how you respond to their mistreatment and how much access someone has to you. Walking away isn’t the easiest but being mistreated by someone you care for isn’t easy either. There are some fulfilling and healthy relationships out there. The more you teach others how to treat you it will be reciprocated.