Imagine meeting an extraordinary and enticing individual. As you learn more about them, you find yourself immersed in the comfort of their company. From morning till night, they occupy your thoughts endlessly. You get lost in daydreams about them, creating scenarios of intimacy and passion, only to realize that these emotions are not shared in the same way.
Without a clear understanding of the path taken, one can find themselves trapped in a state of mental captivity. Exhausted and deprived of rest, overwhelmed by persistent thoughts and an insatiable longing that refuses to fade. These thoughts become deeply rooted in your mind.
This psychological state of intense infatuation is known as limerence, often triggered by an unattainable love interest. It describes the exhilarating emotions felt when first meeting someone. This phase often involves a strong craving for more time and affection from the person, leading to intense emotional arousal and a yearning for their presence. This feeling is commonly known as love at first sight. Limerence is defined as being emotionally attached or obsessed with someone, involuntarily seeking reciprocation of one’s feelings—a nearly obsessive form of romantic love.
Limerence is also compared to infatuation or a ‘crush’, but with a connotation of immaturity and drawing conclusions from limited information, making it typically short-lived. Being romantically rejected can heighten longing, as it activates areas of the brain linked to drive, pleasure, addiction, and cravings.
Research suggests that the inclination for individuals to fall for those who are unattainable may actually have a scientific basis, with some people unable to control it. There are individuals who are attracted to the mystery, the unstable dynamics of relationships, or being in a relationship with someone who is significantly different from them.
Some may argue that our desire for what is unattainable stems from a sense of inadequacy. However, this is not always the case since we never truly possessed it in the first place. Often, when we yearn for something or someone, we create elaborate fantasies, shaping them into our ideal image. We attribute qualities of value that may not even exist in the person we desire. It is possible to deeply love someone who does not reciprocate those feelings, causing a pain similar to a breakup, even though they never truly belonged to us.
Moving on from someone you only desire physically can be difficult. I am actively working on enhancing my mental well-being by taking necessary actions. These include cutting off all communication with the individual, focusing on positive affirmations, letting go of lingering thoughts, and giving priority to self-care.
