Nobody Talks About the Grief After You Choose Yourself
I became single the day before Valentine’s Day…..by choice and by force. And no, I wasn’t as prepared as I thought I’d be.
I know that probably sparks questions. I’ll answer them at some point lol. But here’s the truth: no matter how prepared you think you are for a breakup, you’re not ready until you begin processing everything that led you there. And that’s the part I’m still working through….the part I can barely articulate.
What I do know is this: I was neglected. I wasn’t nourished…I wasn’t fostered…I wasn’t considered, loved properly, or appreciated in the way I deserved And in return, I’m left with unanswered questions I may never get clarity on.
And that hurts.
If you’re facing something similar, here’s what healing looks like for me right now.
1. Reflecting — Even When It’s Uncomfortable
It’s easy to distract yourself by working more, going out more, or posting on social media to look unbothered, but reflection requires silence. I’ve had to sit with my feelings instead of running from them. Being okay with where you currently are whether it’s confused, disappointed, even angry ..it’s part of the process. You can’t heal what you won’t acknowledge.
2. Grieving Without Guilt
Yes, I chose to walk away. And yes, I’m still grieving. That’s normal. You invested time, hope, and emotional energy. You imagined a future. It’s okay to mourn what you thought it would be. Cry. Journal. Vent. Feel it. Grieving a relationship doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human.
3. Allowing Yourself to Be in Your Emotions
We live in a culture that praises being “unbothered.” But healing isn’t about pretending you don’t care. It’s about allowing yourself to feel fully without shame. It’s okay to be disappointed. It’s okay to admit you wanted it to work. Suppressing emotions only delays healing.
4. Accepting the Reset
Starting over is unfortunate. Nobody plans for it. Nobody wants to reintroduce themselves to the dating world. But here’s the truth I’m holding onto: there is someone out there who will love me properly. Someone who will nourish, consider, and appreciate me in ways I don’t have to beg for. This ending gives me another chance to experience that.
What I’m learning is that choosing yourself doesn’t mean you won’t grieve. It means you finally loved yourself enough to stop accepting what wasn’t enough.
If you’re in your rebuilding era, you are not dramatic. You are not weak. You are not behind.
You are healing.
And sometimes healing looks like tears, reflection, and quiet strength no one else sees.
But trust me — this isn’t the end of your story.
It’s the beginning of you choosing better.
And that’s the question I keep coming back to….how did we get here? How did so many of us learn to endure love instead of experience it fully? How did we normalize being undernourished emotionally? How did we convince ourselves that bare minimum effort was something to be grateful for?
That’s exactly why I wrote Ladies, How Did We Get Here? because too many millennial women are waking up and realizing we settled in ways we never intended to.
Grab your copy today!
