Have you ever shared exciting news with a friend and instantly felt the energy shift? Like somehow your win got quiet the moment it entered the group chat?

Let’s talk about something we don’t discuss enough as millennial women: the painful reality that sometimes the people we call friends aren’t always rooting for us the way we’re rooting for them.

That truth can sting.

Because if we’re honest, many of us grew up believing friendship meant automatic support. We assumed our people would clap when we won, comfort us when we lost, and remind us who we are when life got heavy.

However, adulthood, especially your 30s has a funny way of revealing who’s really in your corner.

Here’s the hard truth: every friend is not assigned to validate you and sometimes, the reason you’re craving validation from certain people is because deep down, you know they’re withholding the support you deserve.

Sometimes the silence is the answer.

Before somebody says, “Well, people are busy,” yes…they are, but support doesn’t always require money, constant access, or grand gestures. Real support looks intentional, it feels genuine and most importantly it doesn’t feel forced.

5 Signs You May Be Seeking Validation From Friends Who Aren’t Really Your Friends

1. They go silent when you’re winning
You launch the business, write the book, land the opportunity, post the announcement and suddenly….Crickets.

No text. No repost. No excitement.

But somehow they always have time to celebrate everyone else.

A real friend doesn’t compete with your growth, they celebrate it.

2. Everything becomes a competition
You tell them good news, and instead of celebrating you, they immediately redirect the conversation back to themselves.

“Oh, that reminds me of what I’m doing…”

Friendship shouldn’t feel like a constant scoreboard.

3. They support strangers more than they support you
Now this one… I know all too well.

Watching your friend publicly hype people they barely know while acting disconnected from your dreams can feel personal.

And sometimes… it is.

4. They only show up when you’re struggling
Some people are comfortable with the version of you that’s broken, confused, or stuck.

But once you’re thriving? They become distant.

That’s not friendship. That’s comfort in your dysfunction.

5. You constantly feel like you have to prove your worth
If you’re always trying to impress, explain, overachieve, or earn basic encouragement from someone take a pause.

Friendship shouldn’t feel like an audition.

So What Does Real Support Actually Look Like?

Let’s normalize realistic support because contrary to popular belief, support isn’t always loud.

Support looks like:

• Sending your friend encouragement before a big event
• Sharing their business, book, or content without being asked
• Showing up when possible and communicating when you can’t
• Checking in during hard seasons and celebrating wins
• Speaking positively about them when they’re not in the room
• Making space for their growth without insecurity

Support says: “There is room for both of us to win.”

And if we’re being honest? Sometimes support is simply consistency.

Red Flags to Watch Out For in Friendships

Pay attention if:

🚩 They downplay your accomplishments
🚩 They disappear during major life moments
🚩 You feel drained after every interaction
🚩 They gossip excessively about other friends (because trust me, they’re probably discussing you too)
🚩 They only call when they need something
🚩 Your intuition keeps nudging you that something feels “off”

Ladies, let me say this gently: stop begging emotionally unavailable friends to become emotionally supportive people.

Everybody isn’t capable of showing up for you the way you show up for them and that hurts, but the sooner you stop chasing validation from people who secretly resent, dismiss, or simply don’t value you, the sooner you make room for friendships that actually pour back into you.

Because real friends?

They clap when you win.
They pray for you when life feels heavy.
They check in.
They support.
And they never make you feel like loving or celebrating you is too much.

Maybe the question isn’t, “Why don’t they validate me?”

Maybe the real question is:

Why are we still waiting for people to pour into us when they’ve already shown us the cup is empty?