Why does he act like my boyfriend, but he doesn’t want a relationship?

Black couple having a conversation


He takes you out on dates, does thoughtful things for you, takes you around his friends and family, y’all have sex, oh and lets not forget how he hints about things he’d like to do in the future with you. He’s kind, respects your boundaries, and you have great chemistry. You know he’s not seeing other people. And yet … he “doesn’t want a relationship.”


The craziest thing about this particular type of guy is that he doesn’t realize he’s already in a relationship. Two people having sex and engaging in emotional intimacy on a consistent basis?


So, why does he act like a boyfriend, but say he doesn’t want to be one? Probably one of a few reasons.

1. He’s afraid of relationships because of the amount of ‘responsibility’ they require. 

Taking ownership and responsibility for your actions is an important part of healthy relationships.Taking responsibility creates trust and dependability.  When you take responsibility for your behaviors, you demonstrate to your partner your willingness to be honest and vulnerable, which in turns should encourage him to be open and authentic with you. Now lets be real.. yes he’s doing relationship things but he does not want to be responsible for your feelings and actions. He wants to freely do what he’s doing without a commitment.


2. He’s committed to more than one woman.

You’d be surprised to find out the special treatment he’s giving you… he’s giving it to somebody else too sis! Yep I know he ain’t shit! Whenever a man is not in a committed relationship he feels that he is free to do what he wants with who he wants. We definitely cant forget about that one ex he’s still stuck on. In these cases, sometimes there’s nothing you can do to somehow convince him you’re a better fit. And you shouldn’t.

3.His Past….

He may have had a great relationship in the past but, it crashed and burned, making him swore he would never commit like that again, even if he meet someone great. So, if he casually says he doesn’t want a commitment while acting exactly like your boyfriend, he might mean he’s committed to something else: BEING SINGLE!

Sooooo ladies 

Don’t accept a simple, “No, I don’t want to be in a relationship right now” and keep spending time in a situation that now makes you uncomfortable. To decide if this person is worth sticking with, you need to ask direct questions. You need to get to the root of the commitment troubles.

Set aside some real time to talk and ask why he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. Give him space to answer honestly. Then take time to process what is said. If you find out he’s hung up on someone, or does not want the responsibility and commitment is not for him, then heed the warning.

With that being said, remember that commitment is a two-way street, but it’s not a one-size-fits-all sort of thing; it’s negotiated based on the individual couple, Imperfect situations exist all the time, and people work together to come up with a mutually satisfying partnership that meets both sets of needs. With that in mind, perhaps you’ll need to ask what commitment means to him.

Commitment scares a lot of people. Not because they don’t want to be with someone special, but because they want to do it right and see it last. However if he makes it his business to tell you he don’t want to be in a relationship let his ass be. MOVE ON!  If he’s giving you everything but a relationship its most likely not for you!

Nicole Sade’ is the author of No Room for Trust. In No Room for Trust find out how Dre, the sexy Firefighter, did relationship things with Brielle but the commitment part! 

2 thoughts on “Why does he act like my boyfriend, but he doesn’t want a relationship?

Comments are closed.