We’ve all been there. You’re scrolling Instagram to kill time and someone just posted a gorgeous couples pic. Whether it’s a fun weekend activity, highlights from a past vacation, or a dramatic anniversary post, it racked up a ton of likes, and you see thousands of people including your friends commenting “goals” and loving emojis.

I mean there is nothing wrong with seeing couples happy  but, if you’re anything like me, you might chime in with those loving comments, but most likely keep scrolling right past it. But, realistically, looking at what it seems to be happiness might also leave you with a small sinking feeling. If you’re in a relationship, you’ll start to wonder: “Why aren’t we that happy? Why can’t we look so perfect?” 

The problem is, the minute you see those smiling faces and people cheering them on, you’re starting to make comparisons. Here are some reasons why you shouldn’t.

1. LIKE ANYTHING ELSE ONLINE, YOU’RE ONLY SEEING WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO SEE. 

Think about it… how many couples do you know post about the many challenges and differences their going through in the love life? Not many! Everyone wants to look happy. No one posts stories of the arguments they had two minutes before or after someone snapped the perfect golden hour photo. No one talks about the days that don’t go as planned. It’s easier than ever to control how our friends and followers perceive us, and easier to pretend that we’re all smiles, even when we aren’t on the same page with our partner. You’ll learn a lot about that in No Room for Trust, an urban novel about a college student named Brielle who found out her high school sweetheart cheated on her through social media.

2. COMPARING WILL ONLY MAKE YOUR OWN SITUATION WORSE.

We’ve all been there and we’ve all fallen victim to envy seeing someone else’s blinding glow of happiness or lavish lifestyles, but it’s not all perfection. Sure, some couples are spoiled in the way they can execute their love in lavish destinations and among fancy things, but if you take all of the shiny destinations and objects away, love is love, and we all have our own beautiful versions of it.

3. POSTING ON SOCIAL MEDIA DOES NOT VALIDATE YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

Why is posting yourself and your partner on social a top priority? I often hear things like, “But if he loved me and wasn’t hiding me, he would post more about me on Instagram” or “I’m always posting photos with him and he never posts any photos of us.”

That’s dumb and insecure but, it is so common in today’s society. We notice that a close friend’s boyfriend or a celebrity is posting photos of them with sweet messages about how beautiful and amazing she is with cute hashtags and emojis and we start to feel like something is wrong with our relationship simply over a freaking social media post. Maybe that’s not your partner’s way of showing how they love you. It’s not their love language. This is the perfect time to challenge those thoughts and think about all the ways your partner DOES show you love.

4. POSTING ON SOCIAL MEDIA CAN ACTUALLY HARM YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

Why not just live in the moment and enjoy each others company? Why is posting on social media a priority? 

When you’re checking the lighting, backdrop and taking dozens of posed photos are you really spending time with your partner? We need to stop trying to paint the perfect relationship and “live” our relationships.

Some of the happiest couples rarely ever post about their relationship. They’re busy being present. oh and lets not forget some people actually don’t want to see you happy! You can be painting a perfect picture through social media just so someone that’s jealous to come and break it up! (And you still haven’t read No Room for Trust yet? Chileeeee what you waiting on?)

5.LIVE YOUR BEST RELATIONSHIP INSTEAD OF WATCHING OTHERS LIVE THEIRS.

We often look at relationships outside of us and project the idea that they don’t have the same problems we have but the truth is, all relationships have their issues and challenges. Every person has their own wounds and baggage. And a photo can only show so much. Look at some of your favorite celebrities! 

Comparison is your worst enemy. Looking at another couple wishing to be like them simply because of what you see on their Instagram page is toxic for your relationship. Take a step back from the pressure of being “perfect” on social media and appreciate your relationship for what it really is, completely different and unique.

Comment below with your tips for staying out of the relationship comparison-game and being more present in your own if you’re in one.